Nothing that exists is simple. Everything, as simple as the roti you eat is made up of complex substances. So it is very obvious that a human brain is made of more complex substances, and performs even more complex actions. I am not sure about how thoughts come in one’s mind, or how they hold the capacity to drive us to the extent of taking our own lives, and I am very unsure of how we think of doing something but end up doing something entirely different.
Loneliness is a luxury no one can afford. It is unattainable. If you live in a large joint family, you can do nothing, but crave for a minute of being alone with yourself. And you don’t ever get it, because just as you sit in your room, a cousin of yours barges into your room to ask for a pen or use your bathroom. Just as she goes away, a toddler runs along in your room and messes your bed. When you make your bed mentally fuming, your mother comes in asking an irrelevant question. When you finally get rid of the din that has been happening around you, you start wondering why nobody has disturbed you yet because you don’t expect such silence around. So you get tired of waiting for others to barge into your room, and you shrug that craving of being alone and stride in someone else’s room and bother them just like they bothered you. And all of this goes on and on.
If you live in a family where no one can resist taking turns jabbing at you, and you are the same, you end up fighting with your family every second day. And then you storm into your room, telling yourself to never go out of it because no one wants you and you can only rest your soul in this confinement. But three days later, you get restless and start eavesdropping at what the rest of your family is talking about. You get tired of being in the confinement you have created for yourself and you trample your ego and smuggle yourself in their conversations and then have a good time and promise to be good to everyone the next time.
But if none of the above applies to you and you cherish your loneliness and you think you two get along, you are wrong. Because like I said, brain is a complex thing. You might have the illusion of being alone, but do you ever stop answering messages on your phone, or your mails? Do you ever stop thinking of what happened to you the previous morning or someday the previous year?
You are fooled into thinking that you are the solitary person, but you are really with either real people, or your intangible thoughts. And although your thoughts might make you feel like you are at peace for a while, you will realize that it eats you on the inside to be with someone and share your thoughts, or just be among people so that you don’t feel restless.