Chivalrous Men?

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It is funny how your concepts and beliefs clash with what the society expects of you, and you in turn expect the world to go two different ways. Recently, I was at crossroads, waiting for the traffic to move, when I saw a lady police officer directing the traffic and a fat male officer lounging in a chair nearby at the booth. I was outraged as I thought, “what a shameless guy, making a lady work on roads when he can do the work himself”. But at the same time I was reminded of how I keep talking about providing equality to both the genders.

When you see a woman walking somewhere lugging the luggage while her man walks ahead of her like he has no care in the world and every right in the world to walk like that, you feel nothing but outrage because you expect the man to carry the bags. It is of course a chivalrous act to do so. But when one talks of being as same as the opposite sex, is it right to expect men to be the gallant ones? Is it right to ask them to pay for your bills or repair your cars or carry your bags? The question causes serious dilemma in one’s mind because it clashes with their beliefs.

When we talk of a human’s physique, it is quite obvious that women have a slender frame, softer skin and a womb. They were, like every other female animal, built for birthing. But, a woman holds the same mind a man does. And the thoughts formulated go different ways just as a man’s do. They understand the difference between right and wrong, they decide to trust people, they are inquisitive, they are creative and they are strong and independent. But there always remains a need of feeling loved and cherished. There remains a yearning to be respected for who they are, and what their thoughts are just like men would like to be understood.

yea

So when people throw their hands in the air in exasperation blabbing on and on about how women cannot be feminists and still demand chivalry from men, they must understand and realize that although she demanded the right to vote and the right to earn as much as a man does in a society, there shall always remain a need in her to be loved and cherished and there shall always remain a need in him to love and cherish.

Men when you give your opinion on the shoes your girlfriend or wife is planning to buy, you must realize that if you think of that as your right, you should also consider it your duty to carry that box of gaudy pair of shoes you made her buy. You must not leave her at the station platform with the heavy bag which holds your clothes and certainly not at the vegetable market full of vegetables you are going to gulp down. You must be considerate enough to offer your help and insist on doing it because a woman makes many many sacrifices to make your life comfortable. You must pay for the date the first couple of times if you have asked her out because you want to be with her, not the opposite. And you certainly must step up and defend the honor of your wife or girlfriend or date when she is harassed even if she dragged you into the bar because that is what men are to do. They are supposed to love, cherish and protect BUT only when needed. And when I say that they need to do all the previously mentioned things, I do not expect you to interpret their meaning as handicap her by taking all the decisions by yourself or disregard her thoughts because a woman is supposed to sit quietly and adore her partner. Although the crappy romantic novels romanticize Neanderthalism it is nothing but portraying women and men in stereotyped roles which will do no good in the twenty first century.

chivalry

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cannesubhadra

Perception, awareness, comprehension, apprehension, sharpness and a flair is important to gain insights. It is my journey towards that. :)

6 thoughts on “Chivalrous Men?”

  1. A very well-written entry like all the others but I don’t really get what the dilemna you’re facing is. So what I’m about to say might me completely off-topic but anyway, here goes- I suppose you’re confronting the idea that patriarchy can be toxic to men too. Yeah, it can. But while the most it hurts a man is that he’s ridiculed for crying in public or has to carry a woman’s luggage while onn the other end women are being killed, raped, abused, harassed.
    The patriarchal system was built to privilege men so this can’t be a surprise.

    I think what I’m trying to say will be more clear after I address one of the supposedly ‘chivalrous’ deeds men do.
    You know why men are expected to pay for dates?This thing started because earlier women were not allowed to have bank accounts! They had no way to write cheques! That is why the man ended up writing the cheque!

    So, again, while the patriarchal system makes a man pay for a mere date (oh! The horror!), it also results in a woman getting less pay than men for the same job (this is an actual thing! All over the world women get paid less!).

    Okay, I’ve digressed alot. Your entry is about chivalry so in the end I’ll just say the feminist agenda did not end when women got the right to vote and work, the ssystemic opression of women very much EXISTS and if a man complains because he thinks that the price he is paying (chivalry) is something that warrants him the right to complain in the light of the oppression women go through , he’s just being an asshole. Its not an actual problem. Its not deserving of a solution.

    Sorry for ranting. :/ (What is neanderthalism by the way?)

    1. Firstly, thank you. 🙂
      Secondly, your views seem a bit contradicting, but i am writing what i understood.
      Patriarchy is toxic to men, but that is because there is an encouragement to act like jerks.
      About the paying for dates, the concept keeps changing. It might have been because women could not pay, but now, it is just a case of mannerisms.
      And i agree the inequality still exists and women have to keep fighting for it always and nothing ever gives anyone a right to whine about someone else’s wishes.
      And ranting is totally fine :-p
      In the clichéd romantic novels, women refer to their love interests as neanderthals when they take every decision for them, are overpossessive…in a way act like people from a very regressive age.

  2. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t encourage these mannerisms. Its very harmful. And it propagates the idea that women can’t take care of themselves which plays into the patriarchal agenda.

    And yes, I agree, my views are very contradictory to yours.

    1. I believe that your principles are hazy to you.
      Please do explain how these mannerisms are harmful.
      i do not encourage sexists, or chauvinists. encouraging the patriarchal agenda would be not letting a woman speak for herself, or being paid lesser than her colleague or being treated subordinate to a man.
      i encourage courtesy and righteousness which are important in one’s life.
      Question yourself if you tripped on something and fell, would you despise your date for showing concern? Would you refuse if he offered you his seat in a train full of people?
      And your opinions contradict your own.

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